Thursday, 11 August 2011

Piggyback caring & ESA payments

Went to yorkshire on saturday as sister going on holiday and grandma would be home alone. Was too tired to travel up saturday afternoon really as think we went swimming in morning but oh seemed to want me out of way so that they could get on with their plans. i was considering staying saturday and going up sunday if i could get oh to drive me then get train back but ce la vie.

When i got there sis was in a huff because she had not gone to daycare - i never get any thanks for all the things i do do just moans for other stuff - whereas that centre just creates more work. mam wanted to know when she could go buy scratchcards so i had a lay down first whilst they huffed and puffed.

went for little ride sunday but could not build up any enthusiasm was too tired, but ds found whiplast so that was good. went to humber bridge again sunday but was freezing so moved on to hornsea. by the time i got there was exhausted at snapping at everyone - i just don;t have energy to enjoy anything if i drive.

just remembered leo had sleep over then i had massage thats what we did saturday morning.

was so glad to get back monday from hornsea and weather was awful so had panic attack when went through blind spot in ran. everytime i drive i pass an accident it is so distressing.

anyway got awarded esa but found out i would have got £190 but taken off me becasue oh works. what a waste of a year.

went to hydrotherapy yesterday was exhausting and hurt hands holding onto side of pool, the only thing wasn't hurting was right foot. made fibro worse and musles quiversing in pain and over use. hands, hips still hurting. nice to be in own bed, except i just feel in way here or reluctant to tidy up after 2 teenagers who spend half the day in bed being typical teenagers. i just don;t remember being like that or would have been more helpful to adults around me.

don;t know how to ask for help sometimes, oh thinks he might give up work if not worth him working but doe not want to give up to do housework etc. well thats one way of putting it - as well as caring for me it should be to do all the jobs i cant do anymore, if i am not doing housework, he isn;t then who is..................none of us want tol live in a mess but then tye begrudge me going to yorkshire and using energy up there when all i do is lay and watch tv sometimes. but it is mental drain.

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